Peers and Playing Together

Hi Everyone!  Sorry it's been so long since I've posted.  Got a little overloaded for a while.  But I'm back!  I thought I'd post something that might help those working to get kids playing with each other.  It's a response to a question a parent had, but I figured it might help everyone.  She was asking about trying to get her child playing with other kids when all he wants to do is play with his own toy and ignore everyone else.  Here's how I tried to advise:

"Sounds like you've got a tricky situation.  That's common - toys are more predictable, more motivating and less emotional than other kids sometimes   

The first thing I would do is start at the basics.  He won't be able to work with other kids if he's struggling with just attending and engaging with you as an adult.  So, start out by following his lead, joining him in play and getting him sucked into you.  What is he doing with his toy?  How can you join him?  What might help you become an equal player with that toy?

Then, what I would do is expand that into a fun, predictable, cause and effect game.  So, if he's playing with a train, get another train and roll it next to his.  Once he starts watching you and sort of joining with you - copying you or making you copy - then you have a nice little interaction going.  Then, start something predictable.  Take that train, zoom it up above your head while you turn in a circle and then crash it down dramatically.  Do it again and again until he begins to laugh and join you and do it himself.  As you do that, you are creating a routine that he can follow and something that is still interactive and playful between the two of you.  It's still just you and him - forget the rest of the world.  Make sure as you're interacting you're using lots of motivating gestures and tons of affect and drama - this will help him better attend and it will get the other kids going, "Who is that AWESOME lady?!  She seems so fun!"

After you have a game established with your child taking turns or imitating with you and getting more and more engaged, hand another kid a train and say, "betcha can't copy us!"  Suddenly you have three of you zooming your trains in the air, spinning around and crashing down.  Don't worry about your child attending to that other friend yet... just keep them both interested in you.  Slowly the game may change.  Maybe this time you zoom it in the air and then crash down on top of it, looking for it in a silly, puzzling way.  You may have both of them try to find it and you laugh and laugh together.  Then, you have your child do it - sit on his own train!  Ha ha, so funny!  Then, let the other kiddo do it.  Ha ha, so funny!  Pretty soon you're in a turn taking thing where he is actually waiting for that peer to take his turn.  Slowly, over time you'll be able to fade yourself out and just direct the two.  Recognize this will take a while.  Initially you may need to spend a lot of time just having your child engage with you.  Then, you can slowly add peers step by step by step :)"