Serving Individuals With
Disabilities
Good Morning. When Brother C asked me
to give this talk, I told him I appreciated him giving me a topic that is sure
to make me cry. For those of you who know me well, you know how near and dear
to my heart this topic is. I also asked him how he expected me to keep it to 15
minutes with such a topic. So, I apologize in advance if I go over time, and/or
if I cry. Next time, perhaps he will give me a topic that I know or care less
about.
On the morning of September 5th 2003, I
was at my parent's home. My father and I were out in the driveway, as he was
teaching me how to change the brakes on my car.
There were some small pins that he was trying to put back in place. I
remember him commenting on how he didn't understand why he was having such a
hard time with them. My mother came out and called him in to answer a phone
call. After a few minutes, he still hadn't returned. It was hot outside. So, I
went inside to get a drink of water and to make a smoothie.
A few minutes later, my father walked into
the kitchen, said something indecipherable, and then sat down on a chair in the
nearby family room, and slumped over. Over the course of the next few hours,
between ambulance and hospital, we learned that my father had suffered a major
stroke, as a result of a blood vessel bursting in his brain and bleeding
severely. According to experts, given the extent of the bleeding in his brain,
he never should have survived.
As a result of that stroke, he had to
relearn how to do many things, including walking, talking, reading, and eating.
Though it has been nearly 9 years since that stroke, and he has regained many
of his capacities, he still remains with some permanent disabilities. Once a
brilliant physicist, he is left with physical limitations that prevents many
from seeing that his intellectual capacities remain largely intact. As a
result, many people talk to him as if he is a child, or ignore him all
together. It is heartbreaking to see.
Rewind back a few more years, to March of
2000. I was student teaching some theatre and film classes at a high school, in
my last semester in BYU's teacher education program. I was diagnosed with a large tumor, about the
size of a child-sized baseball, on my skull. The neurologist was astounded that
the tumor had not disabled me in any way. He explained that it was pushing very
hard on the left side of my brain (the side that controls spoken language), and
that it most likely was there at birth, growing very slowly over the years. Through
two surgeries, the tumor was removed, and artificial material was attached to
my skull to replace the removed bone. Miraculously, and to the surprise of all
specialists involved, the tumor had never penetrated my brain.
Through a series of events that I now
summarize as "divine intervention," I ended up accepting a position
as a paraeducator (teacher's assistant) in a self-contained mixed disability
classroom that Fall. Two weeks after starting that job, I walked to my car at
the end of the work day, wondering how I came away so unscathed from that
tumor, wondering why I was not left with multiple disabilities and
complications, fully aware that my life had been nothing short of a miracle. It
was then that I decided to go back to school to pursue a teaching certification
in Special Education.
The point is, disability can strike any of
us at any time. I want you to think and ask yourselves the following: If you
suddenly acquired a disability, how would you like to be treated? If you had a
child, sibling, or parent with a disability, how would you want them to be
treated, and what support would you
need to press forward and remain strong?
In the November
1998 Ensign, the article "We Are Children of God," Russell M. Nelson,
states:
“A perfect
body is not required to achieve a divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest
spirits are housed in frail frames. Great spiritual strength is often developed
by those with physical challenges precisely because they are challenged. Such
individuals are entitled to all the blessings that God has in store for His
faithful and obedient children."
For those of you who don't know, I have
specialized in educating individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders for the
past 11 years, and as such, many of my friends come from the Autism community. I have a very dear friend whose son, now a
young adult, has an Autism Spectrum Disorder that has severely affected his
capacity for spoken language and for impulse control. In church, he often makes
noises, loudly objects to certain hymns and musical numbers, and refuses to
attend meetings other than Sacrament Meeting. Twelve years ago, she joined the
Church. Early on in our friendship, she shared with me that the reason she originally
accepted the lessons from the missionaries and invited them into her home was
because it was the first church she had ever attended in which her son was
welcomed and accepted. Sadly, a few years after joining the Church, she moved
to a state with a high population of Church members. On pure faith, she quit
her job and moved without knowing where they would live or where she would
work. Sadly, in each of the wards in which they've lived in that state, her son
has not been accepted. Members of her congregation have struggled to understand
and accept the unexpected movements and sounds of her son. As a result, her
family has been largely ostracized by the very individuals who should be
supporting them through gospel living.
In 2 Nephi 26:28, we read, "Behold,
hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness?
Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the
other, and none are forbidden.”
Handbook 2 of the Church states:
"Church
members are encouraged to follow the Savior’s example of offering hope,
understanding, and love to those who have disabilities. Priesthood and
auxiliary leaders should get to know those who have disabilities and show
genuine interest and concern. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders also identify
members who may need additional care because a parent, child, or sibling has a
disability. Caring for a family member who has a disability can be a refining
process that builds faith. But it can also contribute to financial, marital,
and family challenges."
From this, we learn that there are 3
things we are to offer when serving individuals with disabilities in and out of
the Church: hope, understanding, and love. We also learn that there are 2
populations we are to serve within the disability community: individual members
with disabilities, and their family members or caregivers.
Offering Hope
So,
how do we offer hope to individuals living with disability? First and foremost,
we should pray to know how to offer hope. Disability affects each individual
and family in different ways. Our Father in Heaven knows what actions and words
will give hope to those who need it, and we should seek His guidance in such
matters.
Second,
ask. Ask what you can do to make activities and lessons more accessible,
engaging, and enjoyable for the individual with disabilities and their family.
Third,
know that it is acceptable to adapt and supplement to help increase the
individual's ability to engage in gospel activities and spiritual learning.
Indeed, the Church admonishes us to adapt and individualize. If you go to
http://www.lds.org/disability, you will find a wealth of resources on a variety
of disabilities, along with ideas on how to adapt and accommodate instruction,
and how to interact in appropriate and non-offensive ways.
Fouth,
be kind and teach your children and friends to be kind, in language and in deed.
In the May 1991 Ensign, in an article titled "The Moving of the
Water," Elder Boyd K. Packer admonishes"
“Parents,
take time in the next home evening to caution your family never to amuse
themselves at the expense of the handicapped or of any whose face or form or
personality does not fit the supposed ideal or whose skin is too light or too
dark to suit their fancy. Teach them that they, in their own way, should become
angels who ‘move the water,’ healing a spirit by erasing loneliness,
embarrassment, or rejection.”
There
are a variety of commonly used slang terms that draw from Mental Health
terminology. These terms are offensive, derogatory, hurtful, and unnecessary
when used to negatively describe people and events. Work to eliminate them from
your vocabulary, and to increase your use of more mature and appropriately
descriptive vocabulary.
Finally,
help individuals with disabilities and their families feel peace. In the New
Testament, in the book of John, chapter 14, verse 27, we read, "Peace I
leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto
you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” May we ever
strive to do the Lord's errand and leave peace in the lives of those whom we
serve.
Offering Understanding
We
are also admonished to offer understanding. The first step we can take to
towards this goal is to pray. Pray for understanding. Know that no one expects
you to know it all. Individuals with disabilities and their families do not
expect that you will know all there is to know about their disability and how
it affects them. Ask the Lord to help you increase your understanding. Individuals
and families will appreciate your efforts, and the Lord will expand your
knowledge and perception to help you serve as an instrument in His hands.
Second,
know that there is nothing to fear. We often fear and isolate when we do not
understand. By seeking understanding, we can dispel our fears. A number of
years ago, a friend of mine told me of a wonderful experience she had. Her
young single adult ward was asked to serve as "Ma"s and
"Pa"s for their Stake Youth Conference and pioneer trek. In her assigned
"family," was a young man with mental disabilities. She admits to
having been afraid at first--afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, of
doing too much or too little, etc. At the end of it all, she said she learned a
lot, but what she learned most was that there was nothing to fear, that this
young man was just like the other youth on the trip, except he was harder
working and more forgiving of other's shortcomings.
In
Ether 12:27, we read, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their
weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is
sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble
themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become
strong unto them.”
Though
I have specialized in educating individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders for
the past 11 years, I once actually feared Autism. The year after I graduated
from BYU, when I was a paraeducator, there was one child in the classroom with
Autism. I just didn't understand it. Knowing that as a Special Educator, I
would need to understand Autism, I requested that I student teach in a
classroom designated for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disroders. Since that
time, I have found that the students I understand the best, are the ones with
Autism. The Lord absolutely makes weak things become strong when we seek His
assistance and grace. What once was my weakness, and something I feared, is now
my strength and passion.
Third,
take the time to learn about the disabilities of those whom you serve. Go to http://www.LDS.org/disability
to find the information you need. It is so very useful.
Fourth,
be especially understanding of parents and other caregivers. Know that they are
often under a lot of stress. Know that they are most likely sleep-deprived, as
many individuals with disabilities experience sleep issues. Know that their
resources are often stretched very thin--their resources of time, money,
emotions, and energy. Be forgiving if they are unable to meet your expectations
or if they seem too blunt or short with you. Marvin J. Ashton, in an article
titled, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," in the May 1992 Ensign,
states:
“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we
are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we
simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.
Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings;
having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to
become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have
hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being
willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of
each other.”
Fifth,
know that you will almost always learn more from those living with disabilities
than you can ever offer to teach them yourself. In Corinthians, Chapter 12, we
learn
“But
now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the
hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of
you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble,
are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less
honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour...And whether one member
suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the
members rejoice with it.”
Not
a day goes by in my classroom that my students don't teach me more that I teach
them. From them, I have learned in-depth about patience, understanding,
unconditional love, forgiveness, perspective, gratitude, grace, and more.
Offering Love
Lastly,
we are asked to offer love. Again, the first thing we should do is pray. Pray
to know how to demonstrate your love. For some individuals, hugs or excess help
can be invasive or offensive. Pray to our Father in Heaven to help you know how
to offer love in a way that will be acceptable to the individual and/or family.
Second,
learn and strive to do "with" instead of "for." Independence
and self-reliance is still a key objective for every member of the Church. It
is important for use to do for others what they cannot do for themselves. It is
equally important for us to help each and every person increase their
capacities.
I
served my mission in an area where all sister missionaries receive welfare
training. We were expected to dedicate several hours per week to welfare
service. During welfare training in the MTC, we were given the following motto
to follow: "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day; teach him to fish
and feed him for a lifetime; teach him to teach others to fish and feed
generations." When offering help, we need to consider both the immediate
needs and the long-term needs of the individuals we serve. Sometimes, we need
to give them a "fish;" sometimes we need to teach them to "fish;"
and sometimes we need to teach them to teach others to "fish."
Third,
use sensitivity and compassion, to build trust and enduring friendship. Often,
those who offer help, tire after a few months. Be careful not to abandon
individuals and families who live with disabilities, simply because it is
easier than serving. Be mindful of them. Pray for the strength to offer the
help they need.
Fourth,
offer acceptance. Highlight abilities and similarities rather than disabilities
and differences. Focus on your similarities, as you do with all your friends
and acquaintances.
Fifth,
offer respect . Use age-appropriate vocal tones. It is inappropriate and
degrading to speak to a 35-year old in the tones you use for a 5-year old,
simply because a disability prevents you from seeing the individual's true
intelligence. Use respectful and non-derogatory language, as discussed earlier.
Acknowledge the individual's intelligence.
Employ "people-first" conversation and language. On the
Church's disability website, it reads:
"Terms
considered appropriate often differ from group to group and from generation to
generation. A good rule of thumb is to consider the person before the
disability. For example, a person with a disability is not a “disabled woman”
or “handicapped man.” Nor is Sister Smith “disabled” or “handicapped.” Rather,
refer to the person first and, if needed, the disability second: “Sister Smith”
or “Sister Smith has a disability”
The
Lord, in John 13:34-35, teaches us that we should offer love to all men: "A
new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you,
that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my
disciples.”
Finally,
when it is hard--and it will be--think heavenward. When I find it hard to offer
hope, to love, and to find understanding, I like to imagine my conversations in
the after-life. What will I say? What will the individual say to me? Will we
embrace, or will we have an awkward moment of silence? Will I shrink in shame
or rejoice in the reunion? This always seems to help me increase my patience and
strengthen my understanding, allowing me to move forward and serve.
In
the Book of Mormon, we are instructed that, "The soul shall be restored to
the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be
restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all
things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame.” (Alma 40:23)
We
are also instructed to, "Bear one another’s burdens, that they may be
light; … mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need
of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things,
and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed
of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have
eternal life.” (Mosiah 18:8-9)
In the New
Testament, we are taught about service, (Matthew 25:35-40):
For I was
an hungred,
and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and
ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Then shall
the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and
fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
When saw we
thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
And the King
shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye
have done it unto one of
the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto
me.
In
closing, I'd like to share the words of our prophet, President Thomas S.
Monson, who, in the October 2009 New Era, admonishes us to "Reach
Outward":
"As we
look heavenward, we inevitably learn of our responsibility to reach outward. To
find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one
has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the
service of his fellow man...There is no dividing line between our prosperity and
our neighbor’s wretchedness...Ours is the opportunity to build, to lift, to
inspire, and indeed to lead. The New Testament teaches that it is impossible to
take a right attitude toward Christ without taking an unselfish
attitude toward men:
“Inasmuch as
ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it
unto me” (Matthew 25:40)."
I
bear witness that as you pray and strive to serve individuals with disabilities
and their families, you will increase your ability to offer hope,
understanding, and love. You will also be witness to the unyielding
forgiveness, love, and friendship that those you serve are always so willing to
offer. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
