Ministering on the Spectrum

A friend sent me this beautiful article outlining things we can do specifically as Primary teachers working with kids with autism.  I recommend this read to anyone wondering what to do and how to approach an individualized teaching plan for a child with disabilities - specifically autism.

http://bycommonconsent.com/2013/07/25/ministering-on-the-spectrum/

My favorite quote from it:

"It’s important for instructors in the group environment during Sharing Time and in the smaller classes to be on the same page with understanding the individual child, and with a plan of how to manage the child’s needs, while still respecting the needs of the other children and rules of the classroom.

The starting place with this understanding always begins with the parent(s).

The first call a Primary Presidency should make is to ask the parent(s) to tell them about their child. The parent(s) will be able to easily and most accurately convey the strengths and the possible trouble areas for the child."

Teaching Large Group Primary

I went to Primary with a beautiful little boy I know the other day.  And I was struck by a few thoughts that I figured I would jot down here and see if it would help.  This Primary I went to was wonderful to watch.  There were a few beautiful things they did that helped support children when they were all together as a large group.  As I watched, I found that the teachers who followed these tips not only had this little boy on my lap TOTALLY sucked in and engaged, but they had me singing and smiling, too.  So, teachers of ALL children, but especially those with developmental disabilities (autism, asperger's, ADHD, etc.), here's some things to consider:

Watch Your Visuals:
Every child needs visuals.  They need something that they can see that will support what you are trying to tell them.  Language is still a new concept for most of our kids - even those in the senior Primary!  They've only been talking for a couple years and we have to remember that most of the time we probably don't make the slightest sense to them.  By adding visuals, we can REALLY support understanding as well as add an element of organization and intrigue.

Your visuals need to be clear.  They need to make sense.  Visuals that are too small, too busy, too complicated won't help, but hinder.  Kids need visuals that are so clear they could explain to you what they mean.  They need to be organized and thoughtful.  Think simple and effective.  For example: At this Primary I went to, one of the teachers stood up in front of the classroom.  She had one of those Book of Mormon comic-strip type of books (like these: Comic Strip Book).  She held it up and read a page from the book.  Although these books are wonderful when sitting in a small group, they were extremely difficult to see or understand when standing in front of the whole Primary.  Sure, she was using a visual, but only the front row could see.  Even if the pictures were bigger, they are full of detail and very complex.  For a child who struggles to focus on the big picture thinking, presenting a complex picture might be difficult for teaching to a concept.  There's just too many tangents a child could visually take.

Contrast that with the music teacher who stood up and used visuals similar to this (see "Do As I'm Doing" Cards on this website):  http://sunbeamsinging.wordpress.com/2012/12/29/introducing-i-am-a-child-of-god/

Notice how clear their message is.  The idea is simple and using these visuals will really support what it is you want a child to do or understand from what you are saying (or singing).  If these are large so the whole primary can see them, even better.  You have to imagine being in the back seat with all the bouncy kids and chatting teachers in front of you - then consider your visuals and if they will still catch the attention of that kid.

Slow Down Your Words:
Are you spilling words out of your mouth at a million miles a minute?  Or are you slowing your voice down, increasing your facial expressions and dramatic expression in a way that is enticing and exciting?  Instead of saying, "now boys and girls I want you to sit down and then listen to this song and then after that we will use some sign language to try and sing it together," can you say in a sing songy voice with a BIG, BRIGHT face, "Liiiiiiiisten.  I hear a song.  Do you?"  Pause.  Act mysterious.  The put your hand to your ear and encourage the kids to do the same while you listen to the song.  "Now.  Ooooopen your eyes.  Can you SEE me sing this song?"  Open your eyes wide with wonder.  Then do it with signs.  Then say, "Can YOU sing this song with words and hands?"  Dramatically do it together, slowly, so the kids can be successful.  The pianist in this Primary really slowed the songs down which helped tremendously in adding meaning and success for these kids.

Read Your Student's Cues:
At this Primary I was at, there was a brand new little girl.  She was soooooo excited to be in this Primary.  She was trying to answer every question and had an exuberance that was almost overwhelming.  But, what I did notice was that she rose her hand EVERY time before yelling out.  And EVERY time, the teacher ignored her.  So, then she yelled out whatever it was she was going to say until someone had to say, "shhhhh!  Raise your hand."  But this poor little girl WOULD raise her hand and no one would care or pay attention.

However, a teacher a little bit later would notice her hand and she would wink at her and sign "wait" with her fingers while mouthing it so she could see.  This little girl, although exploding in anticipation, would wait because someone noticed her.  She would slap her hand over her mouth and hold it in because she knew that EVERY time she would get to say her answer.  Sometimes she didn't get to answer it to everyone.  The teacher would say, "on the count of three, whisper your answer," and all kids would answer.  Or she'd say, "if you know the answer, tell your neighbor."  By reading this particular child's specific cues, this teacher was able to support her by giving her the extra attention she needed and as a result, she had more engagement from ALL kids and less disruption from this child because she found a way to functionally allow her to express herself in ways that worked.

Anyway, these are simple ideas that we all know, but I thought I'd just throw them out there again after watching this beautiful Primary with such talented teachers.  Enjoy!

Serving Individuals With Disabilities

So, I have a wonderful friend.  She is amazing and knows EVERYTHING there is to helping people disabilities.  And even more, she knows how to help other people understand helping people with disabilities.  She was asked to give a Sacrament Meeting talk on serving individuals with Disabilities.  After she typed it up she sent it to me and gave me permission to post it here.  It includes  information that comes from questions from people and information people were asking for, so hopefully it will be of help to you!  Thank you so much for sharing it with us, RRF!

Serving Individuals With Disabilities

      Good Morning. When Brother C asked me to give this talk, I told him I appreciated him giving me a topic that is sure to make me cry. For those of you who know me well, you know how near and dear to my heart this topic is. I also asked him how he expected me to keep it to 15 minutes with such a topic. So, I apologize in advance if I go over time, and/or if I cry. Next time, perhaps he will give me a topic that I know or care less about.

      On the morning of September 5th 2003, I was at my parent's home. My father and I were out in the driveway, as he was teaching me how to change the brakes on my car.  There were some small pins that he was trying to put back in place. I remember him commenting on how he didn't understand why he was having such a hard time with them. My mother came out and called him in to answer a phone call. After a few minutes, he still hadn't returned. It was hot outside. So, I went inside to get a drink of water and to make a smoothie.

      A few minutes later, my father walked into the kitchen, said something indecipherable, and then sat down on a chair in the nearby family room, and slumped over. Over the course of the next few hours, between ambulance and hospital, we learned that my father had suffered a major stroke, as a result of a blood vessel bursting in his brain and bleeding severely. According to experts, given the extent of the bleeding in his brain, he never should have survived.

      As a result of that stroke, he had to relearn how to do many things, including walking, talking, reading, and eating. Though it has been nearly 9 years since that stroke, and he has regained many of his capacities, he still remains with some permanent disabilities. Once a brilliant physicist, he is left with physical limitations that prevents many from seeing that his intellectual capacities remain largely intact. As a result, many people talk to him as if he is a child, or ignore him all together. It is heartbreaking to see.

      Rewind back a few more years, to March of 2000. I was student teaching some theatre and film classes at a high school, in my last semester in BYU's teacher education program.  I was diagnosed with a large tumor, about the size of a child-sized baseball, on my skull. The neurologist was astounded that the tumor had not disabled me in any way. He explained that it was pushing very hard on the left side of my brain (the side that controls spoken language), and that it most likely was there at birth, growing very slowly over the years. Through two surgeries, the tumor was removed, and artificial material was attached to my skull to replace the removed bone. Miraculously, and to the surprise of all specialists involved, the tumor had never penetrated my brain.

      Through a series of events that I now summarize as "divine intervention," I ended up accepting a position as a paraeducator (teacher's assistant) in a self-contained mixed disability classroom that Fall. Two weeks after starting that job, I walked to my car at the end of the work day, wondering how I came away so unscathed from that tumor, wondering why I was not left with multiple disabilities and complications, fully aware that my life had been nothing short of a miracle. It was then that I decided to go back to school to pursue a teaching certification in Special Education.

      The point is, disability can strike any of us at any time. I want you to think and ask yourselves the following: If you suddenly acquired a disability, how would you like to be treated? If you had a child, sibling, or parent with a disability, how would you want them to be treated, and what support would you need to press forward and remain strong?

In the November 1998 Ensign, the article "We Are Children of God," Russell M. Nelson, states:

“A perfect body is not required to achieve a divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail frames. Great spiritual strength is often developed by those with physical challenges precisely because they are challenged. Such individuals are entitled to all the blessings that God has in store for His faithful and obedient children."

      For those of you who don't know, I have specialized in educating individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders for the past 11 years, and as such, many of my friends come from the Autism community.  I have a very dear friend whose son, now a young adult, has an Autism Spectrum Disorder that has severely affected his capacity for spoken language and for impulse control. In church, he often makes noises, loudly objects to certain hymns and musical numbers, and refuses to attend meetings other than Sacrament Meeting. Twelve years ago, she joined the Church. Early on in our friendship, she shared with me that the reason she originally accepted the lessons from the missionaries and invited them into her home was because it was the first church she had ever attended in which her son was welcomed and accepted. Sadly, a few years after joining the Church, she moved to a state with a high population of Church members. On pure faith, she quit her job and moved without knowing where they would live or where she would work. Sadly, in each of the wards in which they've lived in that state, her son has not been accepted. Members of her congregation have struggled to understand and accept the unexpected movements and sounds of her son. As a result, her family has been largely ostracized by the very individuals who should be supporting them through gospel living.

      In 2 Nephi 26:28, we read, "Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.”

      Handbook 2 of the Church states:  

"Church members are encouraged to follow the Savior’s example of offering hope, understanding, and love to those who have disabilities. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders should get to know those who have disabilities and show genuine interest and concern. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders also identify members who may need additional care because a parent, child, or sibling has a disability. Caring for a family member who has a disability can be a refining process that builds faith. But it can also contribute to financial, marital, and family challenges."

      From this, we learn that there are 3 things we are to offer when serving individuals with disabilities in and out of the Church: hope, understanding, and love. We also learn that there are 2 populations we are to serve within the disability community: individual members with disabilities, and their family members or caregivers.

Offering Hope

So, how do we offer hope to individuals living with disability? First and foremost, we should pray to know how to offer hope. Disability affects each individual and family in different ways. Our Father in Heaven knows what actions and words will give hope to those who need it, and we should seek His guidance in such matters.

Second, ask. Ask what you can do to make activities and lessons more accessible, engaging, and enjoyable for the individual with disabilities and their family.

Third, know that it is acceptable to adapt and supplement to help increase the individual's ability to engage in gospel activities and spiritual learning. Indeed, the Church admonishes us to adapt and individualize. If you go to http://www.lds.org/disability, you will find a wealth of resources on a variety of disabilities, along with ideas on how to adapt and accommodate instruction, and how to interact in appropriate and non-offensive ways.

Fouth, be kind and teach your children and friends to be kind, in language and in deed. In the May 1991 Ensign, in an article titled "The Moving of the Water," Elder Boyd K. Packer admonishes"

“Parents, take time in the next home evening to caution your family never to amuse themselves at the expense of the handicapped or of any whose face or form or personality does not fit the supposed ideal or whose skin is too light or too dark to suit their fancy. Teach them that they, in their own way, should become angels who ‘move the water,’ healing a spirit by erasing loneliness, embarrassment, or rejection.”

There are a variety of commonly used slang terms that draw from Mental Health terminology. These terms are offensive, derogatory, hurtful, and unnecessary when used to negatively describe people and events. Work to eliminate them from your vocabulary, and to increase your use of more mature and appropriately descriptive vocabulary.

Finally, help individuals with disabilities and their families feel peace. In the New Testament, in the book of John, chapter 14, verse 27, we read, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” May we ever strive to do the Lord's errand and leave peace in the lives of those whom we serve.

Offering Understanding

We are also admonished to offer understanding. The first step we can take to towards this goal is to pray. Pray for understanding. Know that no one expects you to know it all. Individuals with disabilities and their families do not expect that you will know all there is to know about their disability and how it affects them. Ask the Lord to help you increase your understanding. Individuals and families will appreciate your efforts, and the Lord will expand your knowledge and perception to help you serve as an instrument in His hands.

Second, know that there is nothing to fear. We often fear and isolate when we do not understand. By seeking understanding, we can dispel our fears. A number of years ago, a friend of mine told me of a wonderful experience she had. Her young single adult ward was asked to serve as "Ma"s and "Pa"s for their Stake Youth Conference and pioneer trek. In her assigned "family," was a young man with mental disabilities. She admits to having been afraid at first--afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, of doing too much or too little, etc. At the end of it all, she said she learned a lot, but what she learned most was that there was nothing to fear, that this young man was just like the other youth on the trip, except he was harder working and more forgiving of other's shortcomings.

In Ether 12:27, we read, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Though I have specialized in educating individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders for the past 11 years, I once actually feared Autism. The year after I graduated from BYU, when I was a paraeducator, there was one child in the classroom with Autism. I just didn't understand it. Knowing that as a Special Educator, I would need to understand Autism, I requested that I student teach in a classroom designated for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disroders. Since that time, I have found that the students I understand the best, are the ones with Autism. The Lord absolutely makes weak things become strong when we seek His assistance and grace. What once was my weakness, and something I feared, is now my strength and passion.

Third, take the time to learn about the disabilities of those whom you serve. Go to http://www.LDS.org/disability to find the information you need. It is so very useful.

Fourth, be especially understanding of parents and other caregivers. Know that they are often under a lot of stress. Know that they are most likely sleep-deprived, as many individuals with disabilities experience sleep issues. Know that their resources are often stretched very thin--their resources of time, money, emotions, and energy. Be forgiving if they are unable to meet your expectations or if they seem too blunt or short with you. Marvin J. Ashton, in an article titled, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," in the May 1992 Ensign, states:

 “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

Fifth, know that you will almost always learn more from those living with disabilities than you can ever offer to teach them yourself. In Corinthians, Chapter 12, we learn

“But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour...And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”

Not a day goes by in my classroom that my students don't teach me more that I teach them. From them, I have learned in-depth about patience, understanding, unconditional love, forgiveness, perspective, gratitude, grace, and more.

Offering Love

Lastly, we are asked to offer love. Again, the first thing we should do is pray. Pray to know how to demonstrate your love. For some individuals, hugs or excess help can be invasive or offensive. Pray to our Father in Heaven to help you know how to offer love in a way that will be acceptable to the individual and/or family.

Second, learn and strive to do "with" instead of "for." Independence and self-reliance is still a key objective for every member of the Church. It is important for use to do for others what they cannot do for themselves. It is equally important for us to help each and every person increase their capacities.

I served my mission in an area where all sister missionaries receive welfare training. We were expected to dedicate several hours per week to welfare service. During welfare training in the MTC, we were given the following motto to follow: "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day; teach him to fish and feed him for a lifetime; teach him to teach others to fish and feed generations." When offering help, we need to consider both the immediate needs and the long-term needs of the individuals we serve. Sometimes, we need to give them a "fish;" sometimes we need to teach them to "fish;" and sometimes we need to teach them to teach others to "fish."

Third, use sensitivity and compassion, to build trust and enduring friendship. Often, those who offer help, tire after a few months. Be careful not to abandon individuals and families who live with disabilities, simply because it is easier than serving. Be mindful of them. Pray for the strength to offer the help they need.

Fourth, offer acceptance. Highlight abilities and similarities rather than disabilities and differences. Focus on your similarities, as you do with all your friends and acquaintances.

Fifth, offer respect . Use age-appropriate vocal tones. It is inappropriate and degrading to speak to a 35-year old in the tones you use for a 5-year old, simply because a disability prevents you from seeing the individual's true intelligence. Use respectful and non-derogatory language, as discussed earlier. Acknowledge the individual's intelligence.  Employ "people-first" conversation and language. On the Church's disability website, it reads:

"Terms considered appropriate often differ from group to group and from generation to generation. A good rule of thumb is to consider the person before the disability. For example, a person with a disability is not a “disabled woman” or “handicapped man.” Nor is Sister Smith “disabled” or “handicapped.” Rather, refer to the person first and, if needed, the disability second: “Sister Smith” or “Sister Smith has a disability”

The Lord, in John 13:34-35, teaches us that we should offer love to all men: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples.”

Finally, when it is hard--and it will be--think heavenward. When I find it hard to offer hope, to love, and to find understanding, I like to imagine my conversations in the after-life. What will I say? What will the individual say to me? Will we embrace, or will we have an awkward moment of silence? Will I shrink in shame or rejoice in the reunion? This always seems to help me increase my patience and strengthen my understanding, allowing me to move forward and serve.

In the Book of Mormon, we are instructed that, "The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame.” (Alma 40:23)

We are also instructed to, "Bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; … mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life.” (Mosiah 18:8-9)

In the New Testament, we are taught about service, (Matthew 25:35-40):

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

In closing, I'd like to share the words of our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, who, in the October 2009 New Era, admonishes us to "Reach Outward":

"As we look heavenward, we inevitably learn of our responsibility to reach outward. To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man...There is no dividing line between our prosperity and our neighbor’s wretchedness...Ours is the opportunity to build, to lift, to inspire, and indeed to lead. The New Testament teaches that it is impossible to take a right attitude toward Christ without taking an unselfish attitude toward men:

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40)."

I bear witness that as you pray and strive to serve individuals with disabilities and their families, you will increase your ability to offer hope, understanding, and love. You will also be witness to the unyielding forgiveness, love, and friendship that those you serve are always so willing to offer. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

LDS Radio Show

Came across this great little radio show... had some good points in it and thought I'd share :)

http://broadcast.lds.org/ldsradio/MormonIdentity/2010-12-0340-christmas-with-autism-64k-eng.mp3

Prayer in Helping to Teach

I want to recount an experience I had that helped me realize how powerful and immediately prayer can bless your life.  A couple years ago I had the opportunity of babysitting for a family I loved.  There were five kids, but I was mainly there for the baby and a very special 10 year old friend of mine, Matt (name has been changed), who had a seizure disorder that made it difficult to safely leave him with anyone who wasn’t trained.  As I had worked with this little boy previously, I knew it would be exhausting to keep him safe, to keep his behavior in check and to still manage a full time job on top of it.

Well, it was Sunday, and I was determined to make it to church even though I had been up five times in the night with the baby and was low on sleep and patience.  Right as we walked into Sacrament Meeting, Matt wet his pants.  I was pretty frustrated and walked him home to change him.  He put up a stink about being changed and by the time we managed to start walking back to church, I was frazzled!  I didn’t realize that his quiet Sunday toys that he keeps in his church pants were now in the wet pile of peed on clothes in the basement.  As we got to church, Matt then realized he was missing his “cow, horse and cowboys.”  For the next hour of Sacrament Meeting, Matt would repeat over and over, “I want my cow.  I want my horse.  I want my cowboys.”  I tried everything to get him quiet – playfulness, distraction, sternness, ignoring, holding my hand over his mouth gently, singing a song, etc.  I tried everything and Matt just kept repeating over and over, “I want my cow.  I want my horse.  I want my cowboys.  It’s Matt’s cow!  It’s Matt’s horse!  It’s Matt’s cowboys!”  It about drove me crazy.  I had a headache and was exhausted from keeping him from running out and from trying to keep him quiet in the back of the chapel.  By the end of the meeting, I just kept thinking, “I can’t wait to hand this boy over to his aide that will take him to Sunday School and Primary!”  The thought of two hours to just sit and listen in church was overwhelmingly wonderful and it was the only thing keeping me from getting really, unfairly angry at Matt.  I was about to explode and was so relieved to hear the Amen of the closing prayer.  Out the chapel Matt and I went to rid ourselves of each other.

As we reached Matt’s class, his aide who helps him in church approached me and said that she had been quite sick and was just plain exhausted.  She asked if there was anyway that we could split the time.  She’d take Sunday School and I would take Sharing Time.  I agreed pleasantly, even though I panicked inside at the thought of having to make it all the way through Primary Sharing Time with this little boy who was mad at me anyway and who was causing such anger and frustration inside of me.

During Gospel Doctrine, I pulled out the Hymn book, and trying to calm myself read over hymns that reminded me of the individual soul underneath.  I slowly began to calm, but still felt on the verge of tears and frustration at the thought of having to go back with Matt.  Home wasn’t so hard with Matt.  If I got frustrated, there was generally another compromise.  At church, though, in public, it was a lot harder to stand your ground.  How was I going to do Primary?

I started praying – begging to see Matt in a better light and be excited to be with him for Primary.  I wanted so bad to fill the frustration up with love, but I knew I couldn’t do it myself.  I was so angry and I couldn’t make the cloud hanging over my head dissipate.  Walking out to meet Matt, I was sure that this was about to be a disaster, when a friend of the family’s stopped me.  She said, “Hey, we found these in our bag and thought Matt could use them.  We used to work with Matt and kept these with us, but you could probably use them more.  Would you give them to his mom?”  I agreed and took them with me.  As I met up with Matt and we got to Primary, I pulled out the little bag and found horses, cows and cowboys!  Who would have thought!?!  My soul filled up that the Lord loved me so much to give me the one thing that would keep Matt happy to be at church.  I spilled a quick prayer of gratitude into the air and went to face Primary.

Matt pleasantly played with his toys, glancing up every once in a while to see what was happening.  During song time they sang, “I Am a Child of God,” and Matt’s eyes lit up and his smile reached clear across his face.  He sang along as best he could and was so happy to be singing one of his favorite songs.  Right then and there, I looked at Matt and saw the beautiful little boy that had disappeared with my anger and frustration.  He was always there, but my sight was so blinded, I forget to look closer and see him for who he was.  There was a little boy who held a chunk of my heart and all of his Heavenly Father’s love.  There was a little boy who I was lucky to know.  And there was a prayer answered as the Lord changed my heart, took away my anger and reminded me of the love that the Savior has for each of us – no matter who we are or how much we frustrate those who care for us.  I know God watched out for me that day and sent me a little miracle.  That bag of cows was far more than a simple toy Matt needed to stay quiet in church.  It was a window into the soul of a little boy who knows somewhere deep down that he is a child of God and who was simply trying to remind me that I am the same.

Helping Children Feel Safe

I was reading in the Ensign today and I came across this article:
http://lds.org/liahona/2011/02/helping-children-feel-safe?lang=eng&query=helping+children+feel+safe

As I read this article, I saw so many principles that help our kids - both those that are typically developing and those that may have special challenges.  The theme I saw in here was really identifying how behavior connects with emotions.  Oftentimes with children with autism, emotions are difficult and they struggle to connect them to experiences, environments or situations.  We as leaders, parents and adults need to really look at the behavior of the child and determine what emotions may be fueling that behavior.  For example, the other day I saw a child bite another child.  It seemed so out of the blue and so cruel.  However, as I reviewed the situation differently I realized that this child has shown in his patterns to really struggle with people touching him.  He doesn't like others to brush up on his skin or to give him high fives.  In this situation, another child was approaching him very quickly and so he bit him.  I realized that this reaction came from overwhelming fear.  What if he touches me?  What if he bumps me?  Ahhh! 

By being able to identify the intensity of this child's response (i.e. the biting) I am also able to recognize the little pieces that create intense emotion for this child.  Although I wouldn't get terrified enough that someone bumps me, it may seem like life or death to a child with autism who has an extremely sensitive sensory system in which the brain processes touch as painful.  This allows me to determine what I should do.  First of all, help that child feel safe by creating barriers and preparing him for possible touch.  Secondly, we can talk about what happened - connect those emotions to the way his body feels about touch.  This might be able to help us practice touch - putting our hands in the drinking fountain, high fives with other friends (after he feels safe enough that you will keep him safe from other unexpected touch), or even play with playdough.  This helps the child independently begin to overcome that aversion to touch which will eventually allow his emotions to stay in check so he doesn't respond in intense behavioral ways.

Anyway, that article really seemed to highlight the same type of process.  Lots of good stuff in there.  Go read it :)

For Madison

A Glimpse of a Wonderful Mother

Because of Your Faith

Elder Holland's talk, "Because of Your Faith," in Conference last week struck me.  It struck me that we don't thank those around us enough for the example, the courage, the faith that they give us just by the lives they lead.  In his talk, he said:

"I am grateful for selfless parents who—perhaps for a lifetime—care for a challenged child, sometimes with more than one challenge and sometimes with more than one child."

I want to echo that statement of gratitude, for I see the miracle each of those parents provide daily to their individual children.  I am strengthened, humbled and overjoyed at the divinity that I am daily surrounded by.  Thank you, parents.  All you parents who show us how we ought to live.

Outside Perspective

I don't know this woman.  I just saw her blog referenced on a friend's page.  I have simply read this one post.  And I loved it.  It reminds me of the little things - looking into our kid's hearts for the "whys."  Go here to read the story:

http://mommysnark.blogspot.com/2010/08/outside-perspective.html

Patience

I was reading a talk today and I found a little gem I thought I'd share. The talk is "Patience, A Key to Happiness" by Joseph B. Wirthin. Here's a link: Patience.

Anyway, there was a little piece in this talk that struck me regarding teaching and working with kiddos. It says (with my little additions in brackets):

"Parents [or those called to work with children], be patient with your children. Read to your little children and help them with their schoolwork, even if you need to tell or show them the same things many times. Elder Richard L. Evans said, "If they find that they can trust us with their trivial questions, they may later trust us with more weighty ones" (Ensign, May 1971, p. 12). Capitalize on their natural curiosity [even when you are NOT curious in the same thing!] and help them develop a love for learning [and the world around them]. Teach them the principles of the gospel in simple terms [that are on their level and mindset]. Be patient with them if they disturb family home evening or family prayers [or sacrament meeting or primary sharing time...]. Convey [without language, but with Spirit and actions] to them the reverence you feel for the gospel, Church leaders, and the Savior."

This just reminded me in a small way of the very conscious effort I need to be making in my approach, thoughts and preparation for the children I work with. Reminded me that I need patience to be able to serve the children and families I work with and the only way I can be truly successful is by waiting and relying on the Lord. And, if I am patient and move forward in ways the Spirit shows me, just think of the impact that I can have.

Lessons from Deuteronomy

I learned something in Sunday School today. And I liked it. So I'm gonna pass it on.

If you read in Deuteronomy 11:18-21 the Lord is talking to the Israelites and trying to teach them that they need to be obedient, cognizant and continually grateful and faithful to Heavenly Father, even in good times. The Lord tells them how to do this. He says:

18 - Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.

19- And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thous liest down, and when thou risest up.

20- And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:

21 - That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord swear unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.

So, now I know you're thinking, "what in the world does this have to do with anything?!" Well, it hit me in Sunday School today the way the Lord teaches us. And, I realized, as I'm trying to teach, I ought to do the same things. So, what are those things?

1. Bind them as a sign upon your hand, as frontlets between your eyes. This reminds me that anything I want to teach needs to be clear, obvious, and direct. I need to teach concepts in simple, direct and easy language that can be placed in front of consciousness to allow students to truly remember and take in. And just as lessons bound as a sign upon my hand, I need to teach those same lessons over and over and over so they are always present right in front of my students all day as they work and play with their very hands.

2. In verse 19, this one got me because of the many positions and times that were suggested. Concepts can be taught anywhere effectively. I thought mainly of sensory here - how our kids are lying down or upside down or up and running. They are sitting and standing and going all over. But, that doesn't mean that even in these times where it seems as if no teaching can or will be effective, I should still teach. My children need to know these concepts, even if they're hanging off the edge of the couch or playing the piano with their feet.

3. In verse 20, it talks about the environment. Do I have concepts that help teach a child on my posts, on my doors, in my environment? And are these concepts easy, simple and direct to help remind both me and my students of things to learn and grow with? Many of my students are very visually based. Pictures, colors, patterns - they all hold a special meaning and attention for many of my kiddos. They are organized, they make sense, they are predictable and they are just plain wonderful to attend to. Do I use this in my teaching? Do I use pictures? Patterns? Colors? Beauty? Do I utilize the wonderful visual strength that many of my students possess to teach them in motivating, simple and personal ways? Is my environment creating a place of learning?

4. And last, the promise. Do I believe in the promises that my Heavenly Father has given to me? Do I believe that if I pray, I can get answers? And if I ask, He will help me? Do I believe that even when a child is screaming out or jumping off the pew at church or bolting out of the classroom during Sunday School that I have been called and therefore, I am qualified for heavenly and divine help? Do I believe that with some effort, some prayer and some reaching out to sources that will help, that I can change this child's life? Now. For the better. Do I believe that what God has promised will come to pass? And that means that He will give me strength to do this?

Strange what you can sometimes find in the middle of Deuteronomy, eh? Have a great Sunday!

An Instrument in His Hands

One of my most beloved friends and patient co-workers posted this entry on her personal blog. She gave me permission to share it on this blog as it was one of those moments that always needs to be shared more often. We are an instrument in His hands and if we can just remember that, miracles will come more often than we can even imagine. Enjoy!

Quoted from Naomi's AMAZING blog:
"Many of you know that I work with kids with special needs. I love my job and often feel the Lord working through me when I am interacting with the kids where I work. I know that there is so much, in and of myself, that I would never know how to do, and that I would never know to attempt, if it weren't for the small divine whisperings of a loving Father in Heaven that encourage me to look deeper, try hard, or change techniques, toys, or ideas. However, on a few rare and marvelous occasions in my job, I have been blessed with the opportunity to remember what it is like to feel the sweet sacredness of being 100% an Instrument in the Hands of our Loving Creator. This week, I got to experience one such moment. I will try to recount the event here, while still preserving student confidentiality.

There are many children at the school who struggle with such high degrees of anxiety that it becomes highly debilitating to their capacity to regulate their emotions, sensory processing systems, and even their motor planning. It is an intensity that most people will never experience, and it is so heart-wrenching to watch a child have to experience an episode of such high anxiety. The other day, one of our students was struggling with just such an episode. My co-administrator, whom we will refer to as "Hikari," was working with the student, as well as 2 other staff members to help the child overcome this anxiety and return to the classroom. The child, whom we will refer to as "Kodomo," has been spending a lot of time in the building's lobby. We are in leased space, and the other occupants of the building sometimes do not understand what is happening, and, as such, struggle with the crying and other sounds of distress that Kodomo and others make when they experience episodes of high anxiety. Hikari had been asked to try to keep Kodomo from being in the lobby so much. But Kodomo was/is not a fan of this plan. Kodomo likes to be in the lobby, and while it can sometimes help Kodomo regulate, it can also sometimes cause Kodomo's anxiety to spiral and become more intense. Hikari is amazing with the children at the school. I know no other person who is so perceptive to each child's unique processing and current state.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I received the following text from Hikari: "Any ideas for Kodomo? I think we're stuck." I felt a little anxiety of my own. If Hikari was stuck, I knew there was nothing more I could possibly have to offer. I stalled. "Where are you?" I texted. "Guess" was her response. I did the only thing I knew to do. I locked myself in my office, knelt down at my chair, and prayed. I prayed that Kodomo would be able to somehow let us know what he needed, or that we would be able to know in some way, what Kodomo needed. I also prayed that the other occupants of the building would have their hearts softened. I knew I would need them to exude a calm energy so that their nervous, anxious, and/or frustrated energy would not be perceived by Kodomo, who is very adept at picking up on the energy of others (as are most of our students).

I stood up, and headed to the lobby, still not knowing how I could be of any help to this child. Then the familiar whisper came, "slow down, slow down." So I slowed. I started breathing deeper, I cut my walking pace roughly in half. "Slow down!" it came again. I thought I was slowing, and almost resisted, but reminded myself to listen, and I tried to slow down even more. "Slow WAY down," the whispering came, "if you are not calm as still water on a pond when you get there, you will be of no use." So I did. On my way down the long staircase, I focused all my energy on slowing down, instead of on "what will I do when I get there?"

I got there, knelt in front of the Kodomo, looked at the child, trying to figure out what was wanted/needed. "Kodomo won't tell you" the whisper came; "you need to listen." Hikari told me "Kodomo is calm, but getting stuck in routines, and nothing seems to be helping." "Just watch...and listen" said the whisper. So I looked at Kodomo, and felt that I should try a technique that I have been learning about this year. Kodomo's anxiety was keeping Kodomo in unproductive routines, which were preventing Kodomo from being able to leave the lobby. Through a series of techniques, and after nearly 45 minutes, we were able to get Kodomo upstairs to the classroom, calmly and even laughing at times. How did we do it? I do not know, exactly. I know I was told, through divine whisperings, that Kodomo was still highly anxious, that Kodmo's anxiety was keeping Kodomo in routines and preventing Kodomo from being able to leave the lobby, that I needed to help Kodomo learn to trust the process, that I needed to help Kodomo get to a nearly lethargic state in order for the anxiety to lessen. I did what I was told, and it worked. Why? Because I was asked that day to listen to the one who knows Kodomo better than anyone. I was asked to be an instrument in His hands to help this child experience the success of coming out of such a state. What a sweet, wonderful experience it was for me! It was spiritually invigorating. It was something I left knowing I need to work on feeling more often.

It made me think. How many of our family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and neighbors are "stuck" in their own "lobbies" of unproductive or unhealthy routines that prevent continued progress? How can we help them face their fears enough to step outside of their "lobby"? How can we be in instrument in Heavenly Father's hands to help those around us? How "stuck" are we in our own "lobbies"? How can we face our own fears and take the first step towards greater progress? Who in our lives helps us let go of routines and step toward progression? Do we surround ourselves with those who strive to help us progress, who coax us away from the unhealthy and unproductive routines and "lobbies" in our lives? Do we cherish these people and hold onto their friendship? Do we nourish them and help them progress as well? Do we truly understand the depth of the power we possess to help our fellow humans when we stop and listen to those little, daily whisperings? Do we seek opportunities to be instruments in His hands?"

Callings

I've been thinking about callings in church. What an amazing way to learn and grow. I am currently the Ward Choir Director.

Yeah. I know... scary. It has been an amazing calling for me. I have learned to stand up in situations where I know much less than those I teach - only because the Spirit is directing me. I have learned that even in the most strange situations, you can strengthen someone's testimony by opening your mouth or saying thanks for a job well done. I have learned that people need me as much as I need them - even when I'm failing. I have learned that falling apart in front of an entire group - hands shaking, thoughts in cohesive and misunderstood, tears about to escape down your face - that's when compassion and love and true soul to soul connections happen. When you are at your lowest, you are the most ready to be of service if you are relying on the Savior.

Anyway, last week our Stake got all split up (which was traumatic for me. I always think I know what's gonna happen and God always finds a way to surprise me). I am excited for the changes, but realize that my faith must carry me through the hard parts of these changes. Callings are about to change all over the place. Maybe I'll stay where I'm finally comfortable - as the Ward Choir Director. Or maybe I'll change to something that is seemingly simple and easy, but will change my life. Or maybe I'll be hit with something overwhelmingly difficult that will force even more reliance on my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. You never know.

What I do know is this: My Heavenly Father wants me to become perfect, like Him. He wants what's best for me. He wants to give me experiences now that will taste sweet and bitter, that will strengthen and stretch and that will guide me to gain skills, perspectives and compassion for other situations I will face in the future. He wants me to be better. And sometimes that means He puts me where I feel I most certainly cannot succeed. There may be days where I feel as if there is nothing more I can do than fail hard. But, there is always a lesson to learn, always a soul to bless, always a reason for what we are asked to do. He is always praying and working for our success.

For those of you working with a child with autism or other special needs in the church setting, I want you to know that you are invaluable. There are families out there who pray for you because of your faith and selfless service. You may feel as if you cannot do it. You may feel as if it's the hardest thing you've ever done. You may feel as if everything is falling apart. But, the Lord has placed you there for multiple reasons and it is your job to stay faithful and open to those things He wants to teach you, show you and use you for. Pray, heart and soul, that He will help you, guide you and show you what you need. And you will succeed - even when our mortal view seems to shout you haven't. Be faithful, true, and enduring. And know, I pray for you as well.

God loves us all, no matter what. Above all, do not forget that.