"The key to expanding children's ability to be secure, calm, and regulated in the shared world is to meet them first at the level of their existing abilities and then gradually expand out from that base of security." -p. 75I thought it was a lovely quote and a great reminder. While working with a child and his wonderful Mom today, I found that there were three common problems I see among adults working with children and trying to expand their abilities:
1. We forget to determine or are unable to determine where their level of existing abilities currently are.
How easy it can be to forget to really determine a child's existing ability. We look at their peers and think, "they should be like that." Or, we look at their age and think, "This is what they should be doing." Or, we look at our expectations and think, "I want them to be doing this." But, how important is it to get reality in a child's baseline. Yes, sometimes it hurts as a parent or teacher to face it. But, without starting where they're at, they'll never get where we want them to go. This is also usually most effective if done in a team. Ask parents. Ask others who have worked with them. Ask professionals that might be able to help. Read about what stages a child goes through to develop to something. Pray. All of these things help to get an accurate picture of where a child really is... and therefore what you can expect of them and where you can start with them.
2. We move too fast and expand expansion to be immediate and not gradual.
Development is HARD. It can be LONG. It can be EXHAUSTING. Although kids are very fast learners, that doesn't mean a child will develop a skill overnight. Just today I was working with a parent who said to me, "We've been working on this the whole summer (three whole months!) and he hasn't gotten ANYWHERE!" First, he has. But, you forgot to look at and remember his baseline. You're not giving him credit for where he's been compared to where he is now. Secondly, three months? You get up everyday and run 3 miles... every. single. day.... and then tell me how you feel in three months? You may be hitting your goals a little more, but it takes WAY longer than 3 months for the skills, muscles, endurance and mastery to appear. See the little steps. And have patience. Each step is gradual. Each skill is built on a slow foundation that will be able to hold up further learning. Enjoy the journey and don't forget to see the gradual incline for what it is - WONDERFUL improvement!
3. We lack creativity in expansion and expect rigid and predictable changes.
So, we know where a child's at and we know it's probably gonna take more than overnight to get there. Where's the FUN!? If you're feeling like your child is stuck, you're not having enough fun! Sure, you may do the same thing a BILLION times... so find a way to creatively change the flavor of it. For example, a client of mine was obsessed with camping. He wanted to play camping all the time - he would put up a tent and they would pretend to cook over the fire and sleep in sleeping bags, etc. Apparently this was happening incessantly and there was no other forms of play. So, we started where that child was at. His mother said, "I think pretend play is hard for him, so he finds ways to make it safe. That's why he likes camping - he can make a safe little tent." I thought about that for a moment and I realized that if we were gonna start where he was at, we had to start where he was safe - with a tent. Okay, so... how are we going to expand this pretend play and yet still keep the tent? After a bit of brainstorming together, we came up with a whole list: Make a space shuttle out of the tent, make a cave out of the tent, make an umbrella house out of the tent, make a dog kennel out of the tent, make an underwater aquarium out of the tent.... you see where I'm going with this. Suddenly, with a little more creativity, we were able to expand on what was already working for him and his pretend play became more imaginative, with more language and more cooperation. Space turned out to be just as fun (and just as safe) as camping.
So, friends, keep the creative juices flowing! Turn your brain loose! Get out of the box and think about things differently than you ever have before. The more you practice this, the better you will get and the easier you will be able to support your kiddo.
Anyway, just a few words from the moon, where I flew with a beautiful little friend of mine today in his brand new space shuttle tent :) Happy day!
