Errands of Angels: 2012

So, I have a wonderful friend. She is amazing and knows EVERYTHING there is to helping people disabilities. And even more, she knows how to help other people understand helping people with disabilities. She was asked to give a Sacrament Meeting talk on serving individuals with Disabilities. After she typed it up she sent it to me and gave me permission to post it here. It includes information that comes from questions from people and information people were asking for, so hopefully it will be of help to you! Thank you so much for sharing it with us, RRF!

Serving Individuals With Disabilities

Good Morning. When Brother C asked me to give this talk, I told him I appreciated him giving me a topic that is sure to make me cry. For those of you who know me well, you know how near and dear to my heart this topic is. I also asked him how he expected me to keep it to 15 minutes with such a topic. So, I apologize in advance if I go over time, and/or if I cry. Next time, perhaps he will give me a topic that I know or care less about.

On the morning of September 5th 2003, I was at my parent's home. My father and I were out in the driveway, as he was teaching me how to change the brakes on my car. There were some small pins that he was trying to put back in place. I remember him commenting on how he didn't understand why he was having such a hard time with them. My mother came out and called him in to answer a phone call. After a few minutes, he still hadn't returned. It was hot outside. So, I went inside to get a drink of water and to make a smoothie.

A few minutes later, my father walked into the kitchen, said something indecipherable, and then sat down on a chair in the nearby family room, and slumped over. Over the course of the next few hours, between ambulance and hospital, we learned that my father had suffered a major stroke, as a result of a blood vessel bursting in his brain and bleeding severely. According to experts, given the extent of the bleeding in his brain, he never should have survived.

As a result of that stroke, he had to relearn how to do many things, including walking, talking, reading, and eating. Though it has been nearly 9 years since that stroke, and he has regained many of his capacities, he still remains with some permanent disabilities. Once a brilliant physicist, he is left with physical limitations that prevents many from seeing that his intellectual capacities remain largely intact. As a result, many people talk to him as if he is a child, or ignore him all together. It is heartbreaking to see.

Rewind back a few more years, to March of 2000. I was student teaching some theatre and film classes at a high school, in my last semester in BYU's teacher education program. I was diagnosed with a large tumor, about the size of a child-sized baseball, on my skull. The neurologist was astounded that the tumor had not disabled me in any way. He explained that it was pushing very hard on the left side of my brain (the side that controls spoken language), and that it most likely was there at birth, growing very slowly over the years. Through two surgeries, the tumor was removed, and artificial material was attached to my skull to replace the removed bone. Miraculously, and to the surprise of all specialists involved, the tumor had never penetrated my brain.

Through a series of events that I now summarize as "divine intervention," I ended up accepting a position as a paraeducator (teacher's assistant) in a self-contained mixed disability classroom that Fall. Two weeks after starting that job, I walked to my car at the end of the work day, wondering how I came away so unscathed from that tumor, wondering why I was not left with multiple disabilities and complications, fully aware that my life had been nothing short of a miracle. It was then that I decided to go back to school to pursue a teaching certification in Special Education.

The point is, disability can strike any of us at any time. I want you to think and ask yourselves the following: If you suddenly acquired a disability, how would you like to be treated? If you had a child, sibling, or parent with a disability, how would you want them to be treated, and what support would you need to press forward and remain strong?

In the November 1998 Ensign, the article "We Are Children of God," Russell M. Nelson, states:

“A perfect body is not required to achieve a divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail frames. Great spiritual strength is often developed by those with physical challenges precisely because they are challenged. Such individuals are entitled to all the blessings that God has in store for His faithful and obedient children."

For those of you who don't know, I have specialized in educating individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders for the past 11 years, and as such, many of my friends come from the Autism community. I have a very dear friend whose son, now a young adult, has an Autism Spectrum Disorder that has severely affected his capacity for spoken language and for impulse control. In church, he often makes noises, loudly objects to certain hymns and musical numbers, and refuses to attend meetings other than Sacrament Meeting. Twelve years ago, she joined the Church. Early on in our friendship, she shared with me that the reason she originally accepted the lessons from the missionaries and invited them into her home was because it was the first church she had ever attended in which her son was welcomed and accepted. Sadly, a few years after joining the Church, she moved to a state with a high population of Church members. On pure faith, she quit her job and moved without knowing where they would live or where she would work. Sadly, in each of the wards in which they've lived in that state, her son has not been accepted. Members of her congregation have struggled to understand and accept the unexpected movements and sounds of her son. As a result, her family has been largely ostracized by the very individuals who should be supporting them through gospel living.

In 2 Nephi 26:28, we read, "Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.”

Handbook 2 of the Church states:

"Church members are encouraged to follow the Savior’s example of offering hope, understanding, and love to those who have disabilities. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders should get to know those who have disabilities and show genuine interest and concern. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders also identify members who may need additional care because a parent, child, or sibling has a disability. Caring for a family member who has a disability can be a refining process that builds faith. But it can also contribute to financial, marital, and family challenges."

From this, we learn that there are 3 things we are to offer when serving individuals with disabilities in and out of the Church: hope, understanding, and love. We also learn that there are 2 populations we are to serve within the disability community: individual members with disabilities, and their family members or caregivers.

Offering Hope

So, how do we offer hope to individuals living with disability? First and foremost, we should pray to know how to offer hope. Disability affects each individual and family in different ways. Our Father in Heaven knows what actions and words will give hope to those who need it, and we should seek His guidance in such matters.

Second, ask. Ask what you can do to make activities and lessons more accessible, engaging, and enjoyable for the individual with disabilities and their family.

Third, know that it is acceptable to adapt and supplement to help increase the individual's ability to engage in gospel activities and spiritual learning. Indeed, the Church admonishes us to adapt and individualize. If you go to http://www.lds.org/disability, you will find a wealth of resources on a variety of disabilities, along with ideas on how to adapt and accommodate instruction, and how to interact in appropriate and non-offensive ways.

Fouth, be kind and teach your children and friends to be kind, in language and in deed. In the May 1991 Ensign, in an article titled "The Moving of the Water," Elder Boyd K. Packer admonishes"

“Parents, take time in the next home evening to caution your family never to amuse themselves at the expense of the handicapped or of any whose face or form or personality does not fit the supposed ideal or whose skin is too light or too dark to suit their fancy. Teach them that they, in their own way, should become angels who ‘move the water,’ healing a spirit by erasing loneliness, embarrassment, or rejection.”

There are a variety of commonly used slang terms that draw from Mental Health terminology. These terms are offensive, derogatory, hurtful, and unnecessary when used to negatively describe people and events. Work to eliminate them from your vocabulary, and to increase your use of more mature and appropriately descriptive vocabulary.

Finally, help individuals with disabilities and their families feel peace. In the New Testament, in the book of John, chapter 14, verse 27, we read, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” May we ever strive to do the Lord's errand and leave peace in the lives of those whom we serve.

Offering Understanding

We are also admonished to offer understanding. The first step we can take to towards this goal is to pray. Pray for understanding. Know that no one expects you to know it all. Individuals with disabilities and their families do not expect that you will know all there is to know about their disability and how it affects them. Ask the Lord to help you increase your understanding. Individuals and families will appreciate your efforts, and the Lord will expand your knowledge and perception to help you serve as an instrument in His hands.

Second, know that there is nothing to fear. We often fear and isolate when we do not understand. By seeking understanding, we can dispel our fears. A number of years ago, a friend of mine told me of a wonderful experience she had. Her young single adult ward was asked to serve as "Ma"s and "Pa"s for their Stake Youth Conference and pioneer trek. In her assigned "family," was a young man with mental disabilities. She admits to having been afraid at first--afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, of doing too much or too little, etc. At the end of it all, she said she learned a lot, but what she learned most was that there was nothing to fear, that this young man was just like the other youth on the trip, except he was harder working and more forgiving of other's shortcomings.

In Ether 12:27, we read, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Though I have specialized in educating individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders for the past 11 years, I once actually feared Autism. The year after I graduated from BYU, when I was a paraeducator, there was one child in the classroom with Autism. I just didn't understand it. Knowing that as a Special Educator, I would need to understand Autism, I requested that I student teach in a classroom designated for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disroders. Since that time, I have found that the students I understand the best, are the ones with Autism. The Lord absolutely makes weak things become strong when we seek His assistance and grace. What once was my weakness, and something I feared, is now my strength and passion.

Third, take the time to learn about the disabilities of those whom you serve. Go to http://www.LDS.org/disability to find the information you need. It is so very useful.

Fourth, be especially understanding of parents and other caregivers. Know that they are often under a lot of stress. Know that they are most likely sleep-deprived, as many individuals with disabilities experience sleep issues. Know that their resources are often stretched very thin--their resources of time, money, emotions, and energy. Be forgiving if they are unable to meet your expectations or if they seem too blunt or short with you. Marvin J. Ashton, in an article titled, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," in the May 1992 Ensign, states:

“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

Fifth, know that you will almost always learn more from those living with disabilities than you can ever offer to teach them yourself. In Corinthians, Chapter 12, we learn

“But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour...And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”

Not a day goes by in my classroom that my students don't teach me more that I teach them. From them, I have learned in-depth about patience, understanding, unconditional love, forgiveness, perspective, gratitude, grace, and more.

Offering Love

Lastly, we are asked to offer love. Again, the first thing we should do is pray. Pray to know how to demonstrate your love. For some individuals, hugs or excess help can be invasive or offensive. Pray to our Father in Heaven to help you know how to offer love in a way that will be acceptable to the individual and/or family.

Second, learn and strive to do "with" instead of "for." Independence and self-reliance is still a key objective for every member of the Church. It is important for use to do for others what they cannot do for themselves. It is equally important for us to help each and every person increase their capacities.

I served my mission in an area where all sister missionaries receive welfare training. We were expected to dedicate several hours per week to welfare service. During welfare training in the MTC, we were given the following motto to follow: "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day; teach him to fish and feed him for a lifetime; teach him to teach others to fish and feed generations." When offering help, we need to consider both the immediate needs and the long-term needs of the individuals we serve. Sometimes, we need to give them a "fish;" sometimes we need to teach them to "fish;" and sometimes we need to teach them to teach others to "fish."

Third, use sensitivity and compassion, to build trust and enduring friendship. Often, those who offer help, tire after a few months. Be careful not to abandon individuals and families who live with disabilities, simply because it is easier than serving. Be mindful of them. Pray for the strength to offer the help they need.

Fourth, offer acceptance. Highlight abilities and similarities rather than disabilities and differences. Focus on your similarities, as you do with all your friends and acquaintances.

Fifth, offer respect . Use age-appropriate vocal tones. It is inappropriate and degrading to speak to a 35-year old in the tones you use for a 5-year old, simply because a disability prevents you from seeing the individual's true intelligence. Use respectful and non-derogatory language, as discussed earlier. Acknowledge the individual's intelligence. Employ "people-first" conversation and language. On the Church's disability website, it reads:

"Terms considered appropriate often differ from group to group and from generation to generation. A good rule of thumb is to consider the person before the disability. For example, a person with a disability is not a “disabled woman” or “handicapped man.” Nor is Sister Smith “disabled” or “handicapped.” Rather, refer to the person first and, if needed, the disability second: “Sister Smith” or “Sister Smith has a disability”

The Lord, in John 13:34-35, teaches us that we should offer love to all men: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples.”

Finally, when it is hard--and it will be--think heavenward. When I find it hard to offer hope, to love, and to find understanding, I like to imagine my conversations in the after-life. What will I say? What will the individual say to me? Will we embrace, or will we have an awkward moment of silence? Will I shrink in shame or rejoice in the reunion? This always seems to help me increase my patience and strengthen my understanding, allowing me to move forward and serve.

In the Book of Mormon, we are instructed that, "The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame.” (Alma 40:23)

We are also instructed to, "Bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; … mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life.” (Mosiah 18:8-9)

In the New Testament, we are taught about service, (Matthew 25:35-40):

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

In closing, I'd like to share the words of our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, who, in the October 2009 New Era, admonishes us to "Reach Outward":

"As we look heavenward, we inevitably learn of our responsibility to reach outward. To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man...There is no dividing line between our prosperity and our neighbor’s wretchedness...Ours is the opportunity to build, to lift, to inspire, and indeed to lead. The New Testament teaches that it is impossible to take a right attitude toward Christ without taking an unselfish attitude toward men:

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40)."

I bear witness that as you pray and strive to serve individuals with disabilities and their families, you will increase your ability to offer hope, understanding, and love. You will also be witness to the unyielding forgiveness, love, and friendship that those you serve are always so willing to offer. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Errands of Angels

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