Obviously an older article, but great sentiment in it. And I loved that it was directed to everyone in our different experiences. A wonderful reminder of God's promises :)
http://classic.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=9f6266ce3a47b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
LDS Radio Show
Came across this great little radio show... had some good points in it and thought I'd share :)
http://broadcast.lds.org/ldsradio/MormonIdentity/2010-12-0340-christmas-with-autism-64k-eng.mp3
http://broadcast.lds.org/ldsradio/MormonIdentity/2010-12-0340-christmas-with-autism-64k-eng.mp3
Monday, March 14, 2011
Prayer in Helping to Teach
I want to recount an experience I had that helped me realize how powerful and immediately prayer can bless your life. A couple years ago I had the opportunity of babysitting for a family I loved. There were five kids, but I was mainly there for the baby and a very special 10 year old friend of mine, Matt (name has been changed), who had a seizure disorder that made it difficult to safely leave him with anyone who wasn’t trained. As I had worked with this little boy previously, I knew it would be exhausting to keep him safe, to keep his behavior in check and to still manage a full time job on top of it.
Well, it was Sunday, and I was determined to make it to church even though I had been up five times in the night with the baby and was low on sleep and patience. Right as we walked into Sacrament Meeting, Matt wet his pants. I was pretty frustrated and walked him home to change him. He put up a stink about being changed and by the time we managed to start walking back to church, I was frazzled! I didn’t realize that his quiet Sunday toys that he keeps in his church pants were now in the wet pile of peed on clothes in the basement. As we got to church, Matt then realized he was missing his “cow, horse and cowboys.” For the next hour of Sacrament Meeting, Matt would repeat over and over, “I want my cow. I want my horse. I want my cowboys.” I tried everything to get him quiet – playfulness, distraction, sternness, ignoring, holding my hand over his mouth gently, singing a song, etc. I tried everything and Matt just kept repeating over and over, “I want my cow. I want my horse. I want my cowboys. It’s Matt’s cow! It’s Matt’s horse! It’s Matt’s cowboys!” It about drove me crazy. I had a headache and was exhausted from keeping him from running out and from trying to keep him quiet in the back of the chapel. By the end of the meeting, I just kept thinking, “I can’t wait to hand this boy over to his aide that will take him to Sunday School and Primary!” The thought of two hours to just sit and listen in church was overwhelmingly wonderful and it was the only thing keeping me from getting really, unfairly angry at Matt. I was about to explode and was so relieved to hear the Amen of the closing prayer. Out the chapel Matt and I went to rid ourselves of each other.
As we reached Matt’s class, his aide who helps him in church approached me and said that she had been quite sick and was just plain exhausted. She asked if there was anyway that we could split the time. She’d take Sunday School and I would take Sharing Time. I agreed pleasantly, even though I panicked inside at the thought of having to make it all the way through Primary Sharing Time with this little boy who was mad at me anyway and who was causing such anger and frustration inside of me.
During Gospel Doctrine, I pulled out the Hymn book, and trying to calm myself read over hymns that reminded me of the individual soul underneath. I slowly began to calm, but still felt on the verge of tears and frustration at the thought of having to go back with Matt. Home wasn’t so hard with Matt. If I got frustrated, there was generally another compromise. At church, though, in public, it was a lot harder to stand your ground. How was I going to do Primary?
I started praying – begging to see Matt in a better light and be excited to be with him for Primary. I wanted so bad to fill the frustration up with love, but I knew I couldn’t do it myself. I was so angry and I couldn’t make the cloud hanging over my head dissipate. Walking out to meet Matt, I was sure that this was about to be a disaster, when a friend of the family’s stopped me. She said, “Hey, we found these in our bag and thought Matt could use them. We used to work with Matt and kept these with us, but you could probably use them more. Would you give them to his mom?” I agreed and took them with me. As I met up with Matt and we got to Primary, I pulled out the little bag and found horses, cows and cowboys! Who would have thought!?! My soul filled up that the Lord loved me so much to give me the one thing that would keep Matt happy to be at church. I spilled a quick prayer of gratitude into the air and went to face Primary.
Matt pleasantly played with his toys, glancing up every once in a while to see what was happening. During song time they sang, “I Am a Child of God,” and Matt’s eyes lit up and his smile reached clear across his face. He sang along as best he could and was so happy to be singing one of his favorite songs. Right then and there, I looked at Matt and saw the beautiful little boy that had disappeared with my anger and frustration. He was always there, but my sight was so blinded, I forget to look closer and see him for who he was. There was a little boy who held a chunk of my heart and all of his Heavenly Father’s love. There was a little boy who I was lucky to know. And there was a prayer answered as the Lord changed my heart, took away my anger and reminded me of the love that the Savior has for each of us – no matter who we are or how much we frustrate those who care for us. I know God watched out for me that day and sent me a little miracle. That bag of cows was far more than a simple toy Matt needed to stay quiet in church. It was a window into the soul of a little boy who knows somewhere deep down that he is a child of God and who was simply trying to remind me that I am the same.
Keeping Quiet in Sacrament Meeting
Someone asked me the other day how to keep kids quiet in Sacrament Meeting. Ha ha. What a question! But, what an appropriate question. So, I thought about it and came up with a couple things (in no particular order) that you can do to help keep your kids - especially your kids with special needs - still and quiet (or more still and quiet, ha ha) in church.
1. Read the Cues. In any situation, it is crucial to read a child's cues. You really need to assess what the child is interested in, what they are definitely not interested in, what is distracting to them (sights? sounds? touch?). You want to see what things calm them down, what things rev them up. Try to determine BEFORE they lose it what their energy looks like and what their patterns say it will turn in to.
2. Think ahead. By reading cues, you can start to think ahead. Try to determine what your child is thinking and what they may do. Stay two steps ahead. Consider patterns from the past and use those as cues while you're thinking forward. Try to predict the next move by your child before they do it. Getting into the habit of thinking this way will start to get you thinking and acting proactively instead of reactively.
3. Be prepared. By thinking ahead and reading your child's cues in all areas of life, you'll be better able to prepare for situations specific to Sacrament Meeting. If your child is a busy body, you'll be prepared with busy activities - lacing activities, coloring pages, bouncing on the knees, play doh or silly putty, things with fun textures or fabrics. If you're child is a singer, you'll be prepared with song books that you can quietly sing into their ear or with soft tickling that you can use in a rocking rhythm. If your child is super visual you will be prepared with books, crayons, colors, and a simple whispers about different things happening in the chapel. Think about materials that absorb your child and think about why. Then use those same attributes and find them in a myriad of toys or activities.
4. Counter balance. Is your child all over the place? And does it make you anxious? Do you start moving as fast as they do? Snapping at them? Watch your motions - are they chaotic? Quick? Do they express a nervous or frustrated energy? Be careful because we often respond to certain energy states with the same energy state. If we want that energy state to change, we need to guide it. If your child is all over, be slow, be deliberate, be calm. Oftentimes your child will follow. Be predictable. Often, I will try to catch my child's attention by being super expressive and making them think I have some awesome surprise (which I do...) and when they are motivated enough to find out what it is, I slow down and force them to wait and slow with me using that calm, yet enticing suspense. Sometimes you must match your child's energy first - being quicker, more excited, and enticing them by mirroring them. Then, when you slowly pull down your energy, your child will follow. This is often something you do before Sacrament Meeting - getting silly and exciting with them and starting to perfect the amount of time it will take you to pull them down.
5. Pick your battles. Your child may not be the perfect, obedient, quiet child you dream of immediately. Make a list. What do you ultimately want your child to do? Sit still? Think of Jesus? Cuddle with you? Lay down on the bench? Sit straight up with arms folded the whole time? Not talk during the actual Sacrament? Close their eyes during the prayer? Really, make a list. What, if your child was perfect, would you like your child to do? Then, go back through the list and get rid of the ones that will never happen... no matter what child it is... (i.e. sit straight up with arms folded the whole time.... YOU don't even do that!). Once you have a list of goals - things you are really hoping to see in Sacrament, order them. What's the most attainable step first? We're not going to do them all. We will pick our battles - and do ONE thing. How about sit quietly on your lap or on the bench during the Sacrament Prayer for the bread. That's it. Just the prayer. Then you can work up to the passing of the bread. Then the bread AND the prayer for the water... you get the picture. Break it down as SMALL as you can and make that a goal. One, you will feel success and two, they will feel your pride. For some kids, I actually make the goal WITH them and we get to mark it off when we are successful. For some kids, I just work on my own actions and ensure I can actually support them through it first before putting the goal on them.
6. Build upon successes. Once you have a small goal in mind, work slowly on it. Analyze to make sure that you haven't shot beyond the mark. You never want to make a goal you will never succeed in. Look for successes. Make a sticker chart for yourself. "YES! I get a sticker! I was able to think ahead and pull my child onto my lap, singing into their ear before they sang into the whole chapel!" If you really break things down in small steps, you will start to be able to see success and to build piece by piece onto that. Like stated above - start with the bread prayer, then the whole bread ordinance, then the water prayer, then the water ordinance, then the WHOLE Sacrament. Stay positive and if you start feeling like a failure, go back to your list, break it down and try again.
7. Drop your pride and focus on love. The hardest thing for me to do is to stop worrying about everyone else. "They're gonna think I can't control my kids," "I am killing the Spirit," "I can't get my child to sit still, so everyone thinks I'm not teaching them about Jesus." It is hard to feel embarrassed because you're loud or your kids are unpredictable or your small successes cannot be seen by others because even though you're succeeding, it still looks like you're in the hall 80% of the time. This is where I rely on God. A LOT. Pray before telling Heavenly Father about the plans that you have to move forward with your goals and ask Him to help you NOT feel overwhelmed by the eyes around you. Have Him help you to forget your pride of all those watching and wondering and to just put your focus on your child and the love you have for them. They need to learn to control their bodies - each child to a different extent, depending on their own individual challenges - and that is the MOST important thing. If it's REALLY hard, try to find a place where you and your child can feel less overwhelmed (in the back or near the doors, etc.). Maybe utilize visiting teachers or friends or family to help with the other children as you focus on the one.
8. Make it worth it. If your child is being told to do something unnatural to them (sit still and listen to language that is WAY over their head in Sacrament Meeting for example), then we need to make it worth it. We want our kids to feel the Spirit, but we need to recognize that may be in a different way than us. We need to realize that our kids will feel loved, safe and ready to learn if we truly see what things they need and help provide that. For some kids, it may be a bag of plastic animals. For others, it may be a flashlight. For others, a book. Do what needs to happen to help them feel happy (not spoiled, but happy) so that they are open to God's love and yours.
9. Practice creativity. Start thinking outside the box. We always bring our kids coloring books, books with pictures of Christ, small stuffed animals or toys... but what can we bring that will help our kids in ways that we never thought of? How about a bag with a little cold, colorful paint (duct taped up, of course) that they can draw using their fingers? How about a water bottle (again super glued shut!) with water and glitter that can intrigue a child with it's patterns and light? Get creative. Think outside the box. See patterns (ex: my child really likes cold, stretchy, sticky textures) and use those patterns to find things that will support your child's attention and interest - like silly putty or rubber bands or those little squishy balls (especially if you threw them in the fridge right before you came).
10. Make it special. This goes right along with the "make it worth it" point. I remember when I was little, my Mom wouldn't let us have any toys until after the Sacrament was over (this was appropriate for us as kids - it may not be appropriate for your children... don't compare, just consider your individual needs). Anyway, we would wait and wait and wait because we knew if we were reverent and did our best to think of Jesus, when Sacrament was over we got the "Sunday bag." In this bag there were special toys that we only got to see on Sunday. Periodically they would change and new toys would fill our world! They were all towards our individual needs - I always had books and things to write with (different notebooks and writing utensils would show up...) whereas my little sister needed little action figures (sometimes they were church related and sometimes they weren't... ha ha). This made us have something special to look forward to - which is what church is. It is a special time for us to feel God's love and be happy. By helping a child organize their bodies and have appropriate materials to help them keep themselves together they will be prepared to hear God in a Sabbath type of way. We create an environment by focusing on small, simple steps that walk us towards goals for our children and help them see that Sunday is special.
Okay, that whole thing was wordy. I hope it helped in some little way! Good luck!
1. Read the Cues. In any situation, it is crucial to read a child's cues. You really need to assess what the child is interested in, what they are definitely not interested in, what is distracting to them (sights? sounds? touch?). You want to see what things calm them down, what things rev them up. Try to determine BEFORE they lose it what their energy looks like and what their patterns say it will turn in to.
2. Think ahead. By reading cues, you can start to think ahead. Try to determine what your child is thinking and what they may do. Stay two steps ahead. Consider patterns from the past and use those as cues while you're thinking forward. Try to predict the next move by your child before they do it. Getting into the habit of thinking this way will start to get you thinking and acting proactively instead of reactively.
3. Be prepared. By thinking ahead and reading your child's cues in all areas of life, you'll be better able to prepare for situations specific to Sacrament Meeting. If your child is a busy body, you'll be prepared with busy activities - lacing activities, coloring pages, bouncing on the knees, play doh or silly putty, things with fun textures or fabrics. If you're child is a singer, you'll be prepared with song books that you can quietly sing into their ear or with soft tickling that you can use in a rocking rhythm. If your child is super visual you will be prepared with books, crayons, colors, and a simple whispers about different things happening in the chapel. Think about materials that absorb your child and think about why. Then use those same attributes and find them in a myriad of toys or activities.
4. Counter balance. Is your child all over the place? And does it make you anxious? Do you start moving as fast as they do? Snapping at them? Watch your motions - are they chaotic? Quick? Do they express a nervous or frustrated energy? Be careful because we often respond to certain energy states with the same energy state. If we want that energy state to change, we need to guide it. If your child is all over, be slow, be deliberate, be calm. Oftentimes your child will follow. Be predictable. Often, I will try to catch my child's attention by being super expressive and making them think I have some awesome surprise (which I do...) and when they are motivated enough to find out what it is, I slow down and force them to wait and slow with me using that calm, yet enticing suspense. Sometimes you must match your child's energy first - being quicker, more excited, and enticing them by mirroring them. Then, when you slowly pull down your energy, your child will follow. This is often something you do before Sacrament Meeting - getting silly and exciting with them and starting to perfect the amount of time it will take you to pull them down.
5. Pick your battles. Your child may not be the perfect, obedient, quiet child you dream of immediately. Make a list. What do you ultimately want your child to do? Sit still? Think of Jesus? Cuddle with you? Lay down on the bench? Sit straight up with arms folded the whole time? Not talk during the actual Sacrament? Close their eyes during the prayer? Really, make a list. What, if your child was perfect, would you like your child to do? Then, go back through the list and get rid of the ones that will never happen... no matter what child it is... (i.e. sit straight up with arms folded the whole time.... YOU don't even do that!). Once you have a list of goals - things you are really hoping to see in Sacrament, order them. What's the most attainable step first? We're not going to do them all. We will pick our battles - and do ONE thing. How about sit quietly on your lap or on the bench during the Sacrament Prayer for the bread. That's it. Just the prayer. Then you can work up to the passing of the bread. Then the bread AND the prayer for the water... you get the picture. Break it down as SMALL as you can and make that a goal. One, you will feel success and two, they will feel your pride. For some kids, I actually make the goal WITH them and we get to mark it off when we are successful. For some kids, I just work on my own actions and ensure I can actually support them through it first before putting the goal on them.
6. Build upon successes. Once you have a small goal in mind, work slowly on it. Analyze to make sure that you haven't shot beyond the mark. You never want to make a goal you will never succeed in. Look for successes. Make a sticker chart for yourself. "YES! I get a sticker! I was able to think ahead and pull my child onto my lap, singing into their ear before they sang into the whole chapel!" If you really break things down in small steps, you will start to be able to see success and to build piece by piece onto that. Like stated above - start with the bread prayer, then the whole bread ordinance, then the water prayer, then the water ordinance, then the WHOLE Sacrament. Stay positive and if you start feeling like a failure, go back to your list, break it down and try again.
7. Drop your pride and focus on love. The hardest thing for me to do is to stop worrying about everyone else. "They're gonna think I can't control my kids," "I am killing the Spirit," "I can't get my child to sit still, so everyone thinks I'm not teaching them about Jesus." It is hard to feel embarrassed because you're loud or your kids are unpredictable or your small successes cannot be seen by others because even though you're succeeding, it still looks like you're in the hall 80% of the time. This is where I rely on God. A LOT. Pray before telling Heavenly Father about the plans that you have to move forward with your goals and ask Him to help you NOT feel overwhelmed by the eyes around you. Have Him help you to forget your pride of all those watching and wondering and to just put your focus on your child and the love you have for them. They need to learn to control their bodies - each child to a different extent, depending on their own individual challenges - and that is the MOST important thing. If it's REALLY hard, try to find a place where you and your child can feel less overwhelmed (in the back or near the doors, etc.). Maybe utilize visiting teachers or friends or family to help with the other children as you focus on the one.
8. Make it worth it. If your child is being told to do something unnatural to them (sit still and listen to language that is WAY over their head in Sacrament Meeting for example), then we need to make it worth it. We want our kids to feel the Spirit, but we need to recognize that may be in a different way than us. We need to realize that our kids will feel loved, safe and ready to learn if we truly see what things they need and help provide that. For some kids, it may be a bag of plastic animals. For others, it may be a flashlight. For others, a book. Do what needs to happen to help them feel happy (not spoiled, but happy) so that they are open to God's love and yours.
9. Practice creativity. Start thinking outside the box. We always bring our kids coloring books, books with pictures of Christ, small stuffed animals or toys... but what can we bring that will help our kids in ways that we never thought of? How about a bag with a little cold, colorful paint (duct taped up, of course) that they can draw using their fingers? How about a water bottle (again super glued shut!) with water and glitter that can intrigue a child with it's patterns and light? Get creative. Think outside the box. See patterns (ex: my child really likes cold, stretchy, sticky textures) and use those patterns to find things that will support your child's attention and interest - like silly putty or rubber bands or those little squishy balls (especially if you threw them in the fridge right before you came).
10. Make it special. This goes right along with the "make it worth it" point. I remember when I was little, my Mom wouldn't let us have any toys until after the Sacrament was over (this was appropriate for us as kids - it may not be appropriate for your children... don't compare, just consider your individual needs). Anyway, we would wait and wait and wait because we knew if we were reverent and did our best to think of Jesus, when Sacrament was over we got the "Sunday bag." In this bag there were special toys that we only got to see on Sunday. Periodically they would change and new toys would fill our world! They were all towards our individual needs - I always had books and things to write with (different notebooks and writing utensils would show up...) whereas my little sister needed little action figures (sometimes they were church related and sometimes they weren't... ha ha). This made us have something special to look forward to - which is what church is. It is a special time for us to feel God's love and be happy. By helping a child organize their bodies and have appropriate materials to help them keep themselves together they will be prepared to hear God in a Sabbath type of way. We create an environment by focusing on small, simple steps that walk us towards goals for our children and help them see that Sunday is special.
Okay, that whole thing was wordy. I hope it helped in some little way! Good luck!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Helping Children Feel Safe
I was reading in the Ensign today and I came across this article:
http://lds.org/liahona/2011/02/helping-children-feel-safe?lang=eng&query=helping+children+feel+safe
As I read this article, I saw so many principles that help our kids - both those that are typically developing and those that may have special challenges. The theme I saw in here was really identifying how behavior connects with emotions. Oftentimes with children with autism, emotions are difficult and they struggle to connect them to experiences, environments or situations. We as leaders, parents and adults need to really look at the behavior of the child and determine what emotions may be fueling that behavior. For example, the other day I saw a child bite another child. It seemed so out of the blue and so cruel. However, as I reviewed the situation differently I realized that this child has shown in his patterns to really struggle with people touching him. He doesn't like others to brush up on his skin or to give him high fives. In this situation, another child was approaching him very quickly and so he bit him. I realized that this reaction came from overwhelming fear. What if he touches me? What if he bumps me? Ahhh!
By being able to identify the intensity of this child's response (i.e. the biting) I am also able to recognize the little pieces that create intense emotion for this child. Although I wouldn't get terrified enough that someone bumps me, it may seem like life or death to a child with autism who has an extremely sensitive sensory system in which the brain processes touch as painful. This allows me to determine what I should do. First of all, help that child feel safe by creating barriers and preparing him for possible touch. Secondly, we can talk about what happened - connect those emotions to the way his body feels about touch. This might be able to help us practice touch - putting our hands in the drinking fountain, high fives with other friends (after he feels safe enough that you will keep him safe from other unexpected touch), or even play with playdough. This helps the child independently begin to overcome that aversion to touch which will eventually allow his emotions to stay in check so he doesn't respond in intense behavioral ways.
Anyway, that article really seemed to highlight the same type of process. Lots of good stuff in there. Go read it :)
http://lds.org/liahona/2011/02/helping-children-feel-safe?lang=eng&query=helping+children+feel+safe
As I read this article, I saw so many principles that help our kids - both those that are typically developing and those that may have special challenges. The theme I saw in here was really identifying how behavior connects with emotions. Oftentimes with children with autism, emotions are difficult and they struggle to connect them to experiences, environments or situations. We as leaders, parents and adults need to really look at the behavior of the child and determine what emotions may be fueling that behavior. For example, the other day I saw a child bite another child. It seemed so out of the blue and so cruel. However, as I reviewed the situation differently I realized that this child has shown in his patterns to really struggle with people touching him. He doesn't like others to brush up on his skin or to give him high fives. In this situation, another child was approaching him very quickly and so he bit him. I realized that this reaction came from overwhelming fear. What if he touches me? What if he bumps me? Ahhh!
By being able to identify the intensity of this child's response (i.e. the biting) I am also able to recognize the little pieces that create intense emotion for this child. Although I wouldn't get terrified enough that someone bumps me, it may seem like life or death to a child with autism who has an extremely sensitive sensory system in which the brain processes touch as painful. This allows me to determine what I should do. First of all, help that child feel safe by creating barriers and preparing him for possible touch. Secondly, we can talk about what happened - connect those emotions to the way his body feels about touch. This might be able to help us practice touch - putting our hands in the drinking fountain, high fives with other friends (after he feels safe enough that you will keep him safe from other unexpected touch), or even play with playdough. This helps the child independently begin to overcome that aversion to touch which will eventually allow his emotions to stay in check so he doesn't respond in intense behavioral ways.
Anyway, that article really seemed to highlight the same type of process. Lots of good stuff in there. Go read it :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Importance of One-on-One Time
What an amazing article! Please read and enjoy. It will change your perspective on working with your child.
http://www.mindspring.com/~dgn/childart.htm
http://www.mindspring.com/~dgn/childart.htm
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